Derek Walter Gardiner

Although Derek's life was honored in a service this last January and I posted some thoughts shortly after, I wanted to express some things that my rather clinical posting then didn't.
 
Derek Walter Gardiner - for years "Uncle Derek" (and Aunty Bet) - were my parents' closest friends.  Strangely, I think I have more abiding memories of Derek than I do of my father.  That may be because my father and I were somewhat estranged for the last 15 or so years but nevertheless Derek was a huge influence in my life.  

I took up large and medium format photography (Derek was a photographer). I dabbled in wood carving because of him (and I am blessed to now have one of his carvings). From him I came to enjoy Bartok, Prokoviev and Miles Davis.  

He had a rather mischievous, impish sense of humor.  But he could also be stern and intimidating.  He was a very serious person.  Yes, he could speculate as he did at many new years eve parties with my parents but it was always grounded in deep knowledge of current events and trends. 

I'd often go with them to plays at the Chichester Festival. Usually we'd go to a Chinese restaurant after the play. And because Derek had to go somewhere I used his ticket to see the second half or the Glyndebourne production of the Magic Flute with stage designs by David Hockney.  

I spent a lot of time in the Gardiner household growing up. I would go to tea at least once a week after school. Betty and Derek would be guests of my parents frequently probably once a month or more.  Since Derek worked not far from home, he'd often come home for lunch.  On one occasion I remember very clearly, he came home irritated and exasperated. He'd spent the morning with a "difficult" (one of his favorite descriptions) client who'd been telling him how to do his job.  "I'm a difficult enough person to argue with when I don't know what I'm talking about" I recall him telling Betty. That was so true.  His mental acuity made him a formidable person to take on.    

He and Betty were always there for me after my mother died.  And when my father refused to come to my graduation from INSEAD's PhD program - a spectacularly memorable event in the Salle des Colonnes d'Or in the Château de Fontainebleau, by the way - Betty and Derek made the trip.   

After my mother passed almost thirty five years ago, Betty and I'd talk, often once a week. If Derek answered the phone we exchange a few pleasantries and then he say "I suppose you want to talk to Betty" and pass her the phone.   It wasn't really until Betty died seven years ago that I got to know Derek a little better.  I'd visit him every time I was back in Worthing and we spoke from time to time, perhaps once every couple of months, on the phone. He remained sharp and engaged with the world right to the end. 

He met (and really liked) Pamela when we visited in December of 2023 and had dinner on Worthing Pier. He met Graeme and Mike the year before when we all went to lunch on the sea front.  I saw him last in September of last year when I went back to London from the Imperial College Physics 40th class reunion. It was a very quick visit but I'm so glad I did.  I can still see him in the rear-view mirror of my rental car, standing in front of the small, now unused garage by the steps that led to the garden and then to the house, waving as I drove away.  I know he understood how important he'd been in my life and for that, and for his gift as a role model, I'm forever immensely grateful.